Resentment is a silent relationship-killer.
What exactly is resentment?
Generally, resentment is harbouring of anger or suppressed ill-will against someone who has wronged you or hurt you in any manner and you couldn't do anything about it.It often occurs in couples when one or both partners feel offended or hurt by the other and think their actions are were deliberate. The biggest problem in handling resentment in any relationship is the it goes undetected for a long period of time, even several years sometimes.So, resentment's recognition in a relationship is a difficult thing for many.Resentment usually begins small, where one partner is annoyed by something minor -- such as a mannerism or tone but never tell his or her partner what was bothering him or her.
Here's how you recognize that the silent killer has creeped into your relationship.
Firstly, if anyone of you feel that your partner is not listening to you, rather ignoring you, or even if you feel that if you point to any of your partner's needs, then also your relationship is progressing in the wrong direction.Slowly and steadily , these feelings will lead to rise of anger and feelings of hurt inside you.
Secondly, if you find that whenever you start communicating, you end up actually only finding faulta in each other.Petty issues like daily or routine habits of your spouse become irritants to you, that is a sign that the resentment has started and if unchecked will show its ugly colours.
Thirdly, rather than focussing on the main topic, you start quarelling or having a heated argument on the same issue again and again.
Then fourthly, instead of talking on the main issue or being vocal about your problem, you start avoiding each other.This is pretty dangerous as this way you are not at all moving in any direction to solve the problem,You are not just postponing the problem , rather giving power to resentment to grow stronger.
Fifthly, with resentment, your partner's image in your eyes dwindles, attraction and spark gets lost and then whether you want it or not , there is loss of physical contact and intimacy, which is really detrimental to the interest of any relationship.
Sixthly, unable to think of any feasible solution, you become pessimmistic about the possible solution and no longer take any action.Again, detrimental to the interest of any reltionship or marriage.
Seventhly,over a long period of time, couples get tired of conflicts and never-ending fights and resort to withdrawal.You don't want to make yourselves available for the relationships any longer, just to feel more in harmony.
Resentment is like a cancer with malignancy and eventually makes it impossible for the relationship to survive.It is toxic and it won't go away on it's own.You have to initially arrest its growth and the blossom your relationship when things go fine.
Let's come to how to handle it.
Firstly,the most important is to acknowledge the fact that there is some issue, serious one, that needs to be resolved.This is the very first step in the right direction.
Secondly,try to find out the real reasons for your feeling of resentment before blaming your partner.
Thirdly,it could be due to other factors as well like workplace dissatisfaction.So, firstly you need to introspect. You need to empathize with your partner.Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think how your negative emotions might have affected you if you were in their place. Empathize with them if they are feeling guilty.
Fourthly,never bring past conflicts and fights in the present.This would deviate you from the possibblity of having any amicable settlement to your problem.
Fifthly, resentment is mostly the result of misunderstandings , so if you get to know that you have been wrongly resenting your partner, do not hesitate to apologize.
Sixthly,don't have unrealistic expectations from your partner.Discuss your expectations with your partners on a constant basis and try to fulfil them.Importantly, you should not pile up unrelatistic expectations which can't be met and lead to further resentment.
Seventhly, don't dishearten your partner by not fulfilling commitments.Disappointment over little things can add up to resentment over a period of time and you will even not be able to spot any problem also.That makes it dangerous for any relationship.
Eighthly, even if you are left with only complaints about your partner and feel you have nothing else to discuss. Remember, even complaints can be phrased in an unoffending manner.
Ninthly, patience is required inany marriage or relationship.Once you have addressed the main issue, you should give sufficient time for your partner to change.Good things take time.So, have patience.Every problem once addressed and focussed on for solution has an end.Wait, till it happens.
Tenthly, to address the issue,
be direct in your conversation and make clear-cut requests to your partner.Your partner must know what exactly you want, don't send vague signals.
Eleventhly, always exchange feelings for each other.Don't forget to appreciate each other for their small gestures, their loving and caring nature, helping financially, for being there with you in difficult times.There can be endless things you can be thankful for.So always focus on the positives.It helps to re-connect better with your partner.It's not an easy job especially if you are upset with your partner, but to improve your relationship and ignite the charm of your relationship, it's essential.And, I bet once you start doing this , very soon you will see a complete transformation in your partner's attitude for the better.Your feelings of gratitude will enhance your self-esteem too.
Twelfthly,try to make each other a priority.And this only possible if you have an honest, transparent relationship with trust and understanding.
Finally, do not let your past define your present relationships.Live in the now and even in heated arguments , never bring in past of your partner.It would kill any possibilty of reconciliation and might lead to ending of the relationship,
Remember, resentment is one of the most toxic of all emotions to an intimate relationship.It's like a poison which slowly erodes the charm of your lovely relation.
You don't have to worry.Always remember, you are always bigger than your problem.It might be a difficult and low phase in your relationship.BUT, IT TOO SHALL PASS.
LOVE
Preeti Rawat
Preeti Ki Paathshala
9540401395
No comments:
Post a Comment